Dr Andrew Cousins

Thursday, 19 March 2026, 5 p.m – University of Glasgow – with writer Andrew Lowes (@andrewlowes), cartoonist Éric Dubois, respondent Kate Taylor and Nic Wistreich (@nicol).

The newest book from the Stirling Maxwell Centre in partnership with Netribution – Carnal Cinema: The Forbidden Interviews, Volume 1–  takes the Stirling Maxwell Centre in a new direction, blurring humour, cartoons and commentary to revisit the recent history of a much transformed film industry.

At the turn of the millennium, Shetland-based filmmaker Andrew Lowes wrote a series of cutting satirical interviews with familiar-yet-imagined figures from across the film world for online indie film publication Netribution. https://carnalcine.ma’s cartoons were each illustrated by French artist Éric Dubois while on sabbatical in Glasgow in 2006, and together capture a brief moment of Hollywood’s last days before streaming, social media and smart phones change everything.

In the 25 years that I’ve been interviewing the great, the good and the frankly terrible of cinema, a lot has changed. If you had told me then that one day I would be able to watch an almost unlimited selection of movies, TV dramas and a thousand and one programmes based around differing variations of people baking cakes of one kind or another, all on my mobile phone, then I’m afraid I would have thought you were having some sort of mental or emotional breakdown. 

I did actually end up having a mental and emotional breakdown, although that didn’t have anything to do with watching TV on a mobile phone, it actually involved me briefly thinking I was a talking mongoose named Gef. 

Anyway, enough of my problems. One company that is largely responsible for the streaming revolution is the entertainment behemoth Notflix. It has almost single-handedly revolutionised the way that we consume media content. But is the result movie heaven? Or is it actually development hell?

 I went to LA to meet Senior Deputy Vice-president of Internal and External Acquisition (Los Angeles), Tammy-Lynne Anderson-Planderson-O’Connor.

AC: Tammy-Lynne, it’s a delight to meet you…
TLAPOC: We’re not Netflix, we’re Notflix, I just wanted to make that clear.

AC: OK, I’m happy to make that clear. But actually isn’t that rather confusing? I mean there’s only a one letter difference between you and Netflix?
TLAPOC: There’s only a one letter difference between “clap” and “crap” but I know which one I’d rather have.

AC: Yes, of course but.. Erm, I’m Sorry, can I just check, you do mean clap in the sense of a round of applause don’t you?
TLAPOC: Of course. What other sense of the word is there?

AC: Nothing. I’ve no idea. So you say your name is different to Netflix but surely there has to be more that separates you then that? You surely can’t be saying that your USP is “we’re one letter different”?
TLAPOC: No, of course not. Netflix streams movies and TV shows. We provide a real-time on-demand, highly curated, digital deluge of high-end and low-brow entertainment, fiction and factual, on-demand, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

AC: A streaming service in other words…
TLAPOC: At its heart, yes. But also, no. We see Notflix content as something that integrates seamlessly into the life, indeed into the very DNA of the consumer. We want it to be become an addiction. But not a bad addiction like heroin or crack cocaine but more of a harmless addiction like, er…

AC: Murray Mints? I’m rather partial to Murray Mints.
TAPLOC: Who is Murray Mints? Is he some sort of comedian? Does he have his own show in the UK? Why haven’t I heard of him? Is he the new Ricky Gervais?

AC: No, it’s a boiled sweet.
TAPLOC: I’m not up to date on all the UK slang but I think calling Ricky a boiled sweet sounds pretty disrespectful. He’s a personal friend and neighbour of mine.

AC: I think we’re straying somewhat from the point again. You say you want Notflix to be addictive, is it true that you make extensive use of algorithms devised by the mathematician Alvie Pushkin? (See “It’s in the Maths”)
TAPLOC: Absolutely, his work into using algorithms to distil a movie into pure mathematics was pioneering but for us he went one step further…

AC: Is is true he devised a new set of algorithms that continually drive new content at the consumer? Hooking them in? Making it almost impossible for them to switch off?
TAPLOC: That’s absolutely correct.

AC: Is it also true that his algorithm was so successful that it’s been described as mathematical methamphetamine? Indeed, he was later so concerned about his creation that he disowned it?
TAPLOC: That’s not a description I recognise.

AC: He eventually disappeared didn’t he?
TLAPOC: I believe so.

AC: Some people believe your organisation had something to do with him vanishing.
TAPLOC: That’s ridiculous.

AC: But he just published a peer review study entitled “The Numbers Game: Why Notflix Are Bastards” hadn’t he?
TAPLOC: Look, the idea that we would have him kidnapped in the dead of night, brutally slain and then had his dead body disposed of by locking him in the trunk of a car that mysteriously found itself bursting into flames is total fiction. That would make us sound like some sort of cult who were trying to protect our algorithms at all costs.

AC: But…
TAPLOC: All hail the algorithm. The algorithm must be right. The algorithm must be served.

AC: Erm right, it’s recently emerged that your main competitor wants to acquire Warner Brothers. Surely a merger on that scale must worry you?
TAPLOC: I’m not worried. In fact we’ve just started talks to acquire a range of studios and intellectual properties that will make the Warner Brothers deal look like chicken feed.

AC: I don’t suppose you could drop a few hints could you? I could really do with an exclusive.
TAPLOC: Let’s just say this time next year you’ll be seeing the Teletubbies everywhere!

AC: The Teletubbies? That’s a bit old hat isn’t it? 
TAPLOC: As a kids show, yes. But as an adult-focussed underground crime fighting team? Tagline: “They’re here to make toast and kick ass and they’re all out of toast “? I smell primetime Emmys baby!

AC: Finally, what do you say to the charge that far from being its saviour, streaming is killing the film business altogether?
TAPLOC: People can be very rude about us. I’ve heard us being described as vampires draining the industry of life.

AC: Yes, I’ve heard that comparison.
TAPLOC: It’s simply not true. Primarily because we’re much more like zombies.

AC: Zombies?
TAPLOC: Yes, we go round consuming intellectual property like zombies eat the brains of the living. In time, there will be no filthy germ filled cinemas and picture houses, there will only be Notflix and the algorithm. All hail the algorithm. The algorithm must be right. The algorithm must be served. 

AC: Tammy-Lynne Anderson-Planderson-O’Conner, thank you for your time. 

AC: Paddy Morgan, you rarely grant interviews these days. Thank you for agreeing to talk to me. 
PM: I don’t do them because they get me into trouble. 

AC: You are known for saying controversial things, that’s true… 
PM: I have two problems with interviews. One, I’m usually drunk and when I’m drunk I have no filter. I say the first thing that comes into my head. 

AC: What’s the second problem? 
PM: The journalists will insist on writing down every word I say and publishing it. It causes me no end of problems. Not that I can usually remember what I said because I’m usually half drunk. I may have mentioned that. I can’t remember. 

AC: As long as you aren’t half drunk today! 
PM: No. I’m not half drunk. 

AC: That’s a relief. 
PM: I’m stupendously drunk. I suggest we get a move on. I may pass out at any moment. That, or start singing Irish drinking songs at full volume. It’s normally one or the other. 

AC: You got your first big break in the Hammer film, “Snog of the Vampire”… 
PM: It was supposed to be called Song of the Vampire but there was a cock up with the posters. By the time anyone realised, it was too late. I think they thought using the word “snog” made it sound more racy or something. I do remember I punched the director… 

AC: That’s happened a lot during your career hasn’t it? 
PM: That’s because they keep telling me what to do! I’m the bloody actor! Just let me bloody act! I have a problem dealing with authority figures. 

AC: Michael Winner described you as “unpredictable and undirectable”, didn’t he? 
PM: Michael didn’t like me. That may be because I answered him back. It may be because I once put him in a headlock, I’m not sure. 

AC: Do you think that as your reputation got worse, the quality of the films you were offered suffered too? 
PM: I undoubtedly made some terrible films purely for the money, “Bastard Bloody Mercenaries in Bastard Bloody Africa” springs to mind… 

AC: That was during the period when British films started putting in unnecessary swearing in an attempt to get an A certificate wasn’t it? 
PM: Yes. It’s a rotten film. I had to sign an agreement to stay sober for the duration of the shoot. I fulfilled my contractual obligations and then drank three African villages dry. It was around this time that my first liver gave up the ghost. 

AC: You’re actually on your third transplanted liver now aren’t you? 
PM: I regard my liver like I regard the exhaust pipe on my car, when it wears out, I replace it. Indeed, I’ve blown a hole in my exhaust pipe and my liver on several occasions.

AC: You’ve worked at various times with Oliver Reed, Richard Harris and Peter O’Toole. In fact you were collectively known as the hell-raisers… 
PM: It’s true that when we got together you didn’t know if you would end up in a bar, a brothel or a prison cell. In fact, I regarded the night as a failure if I didn’t manage at least two out of the three. I remember O’Toole once made a bet he could drink me under the table… 

AC: And could he? 
PM: No. Because I took a chainsaw and cut the legs off the damned thing! That was the last wager he made with me! 

AC: Returning to film for a moment, as you look back on your career, what picture do you think you’ve made that sums it up the best? 
PM: None of them. My career is best summed up by the cocktail I invented, one part gin, one part vodka, one part tequila, one part vermouth, one part Castrol GTX and a drop of tonic water. I call it the Paddywhack. It can also be used to disinfect wounds and to de-grease an engine. Cheers! 

AC: Paddy Morgan, thank you. 

25^th November 1942
Miss Pritchard has asked me to direct the nativity play this year. I asked her what the budget was likely to be. She said that there was no budget but that I would have full access to the dressing-up box and the cardboard manger from last year. It means that I will have to scale down my ideas somewhat. The flashback scene to the parting of the Red Sea will have to go as will the recreation of the Great Flood incorporating a full size Ark. However I eventually agree to take on the project.

9^th December 1942
Have completed the script for the play, “Stanley Kubrick’s Birth of Christ”. I intend to stage a modern dress version with Herod dressed as Adolf Hitler and his soldiers as SS officers. I am having a meeting with Miss Pritchard to discuss my ideas later this afternoon.

10^th December 1942
Miss Pritchard has branded my ideas “too controversial”. She was particularly critical of my intention for Mary to deliver Jesus by Caesarean Section. She has insisted that I work from the script for last year’s play. I refuse until she threatens to send me to the headmaster’s office. I grudgingly accept her terms.

15^th December 1942
Casting. I have given the part of Mary to Patty-Sue Moffat. I was very impressed with her reading of the role at the audition. She brings a fragile innocence to the part. Plus, she has her own doll that we can use for Jesus. The role of Joseph I have given to Norman Taylor. He is dyslexic which caused a few problems when he called King Herod, “King Heron” but with coaching I’m sure he will be fine. Tony Romero will play Herod. He is the school bully and the other kids are terrified of him. I am experimenting with the Method school of acting. Tony has also offered to get some flick knives to arm his soldiers but I’ve declined the invitation.

18^th December 1942
First rehearsal. I have made the cast hike around Central Park wearing their costumes to get a feeling of what Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem must have been like. After three hours, Patty-Sue started crying and said she wanted her mother. I reluctantly send the cast home. Tony asked if we could have Bethlehem burn to the ground during the final act. I tell him that Miss Pritchard has expressly forbidden the use of any special effects after my request for three pints of stage blood for the birthing scene.

19^th December 1942
Second rehearsal. I have made Patty-Sue strap a cushion to her tummy from now until the performance. I want her to get the feeling of being pregnant. When she gives birth on stage it must feel like the real thing. Miss Pritchard expressed concerns about my approach pointing out that Patty-Sue is only eight and is therefore unlikely to have any idea what being pregnant is like no matter how long she has a cushion shoved up her jumper. Miss Pritchard clearly knows very little about acting.

Tony is expressing problems with his character. He wants to know why Herod cannot carry a machine-gun like Al Capone. I eventually talk him out of the idea by allowing Herod to wear a set of knuckledusters instead.

21^st December 1942
Performance. Some initial problems during the first act. One of the shepherds kept waving at her parents in the audience. The donkey’s head fell off and the pantomime cow’s back legs parted company from the body several times. The innkeeper forgot his line about there being no room at the inn. I vow to use professional actors from now on. Olivier wouldn’t have these problems. On the plus side, Tony’s Herod was a triumph. At one point he actually reduced one of the three wise men to tears. His constant use of the F-word was slightly unnecessary though. Patty-Sue was excellent as Mary. She did drop the baby Christ on his head once but I don’t think anybody noticed. The audience were so moved by the play that they forgot to applaud once the curtain fell until Miss Pritchard started clapping and then they joined in. All in all I am satisfied and will be able to iron out any remaining problems during next year’s play.

7^th January 1943
I have been informed that it is “highly unlikely” that I will put in charge of next year’s nativity. Miss Pritchard says that the school received a record number of complaints from parents after the play. Although disappointed by this reaction I am undaunted. I received a 16mm camera for Christmas and have been experimenting with making motion pictures. I have already cast Tony Romero in a short film I am making about Al Capone entitled “Stanley Kubrick’s Scarface”

Note: Stanley Kubrick never completed “Scarface” due to Tony Romero being sent to a juvenile detention centre following his arrest for arson. The script will be completed by Steven Spielberg once he has finished work on ‘A.I’.

You started off as a fine artist didn’t you? How did you make the transition to directing music videos?

I began as a painter but found that it was a medium that I quickly tired of. Then I began to experiment with video art. I created an video installation piece entitled ‘Lather, Rinse, Repeat’ which depicted an infinite number of women washing their hair with an infinite number of shampoo bottles – backwards. It wasn’t exactly a film – more of an art/cinema fusion interface. Anyway it got a lot of publicity. Particularly when Brian Sewell of the Evening Standard wrote a review in which he said, “I’ve shat things that have more artistic merit then ‘Lather, Rinse, Repeat’. Go and see it only if you want a good laugh.” It caused a sensation. There were cues around the block. That’s when I got a call from Freddy Mercury’s agent. He said Freddy had seen the exhibit and really wanted me to direct a video for Queen. I jumped at the chance.

That was the video for ‘Tight Leather Pants’?

Yes it was. Again that created a storm in the press because of it’s so called ‘homoerotic content’ I can’t see it myself. What’s homoerotic about Freddy Mercury having baby oil rubbed into his nipples by a parade of semi-naked young men? I think people try and read far too much into it. Freddy was a real trooper though. He insisted on that scene being re-taken seventy times. He was a real professional.

After that you did a Duran Duran video?

That was for a song entitled “Young, rebellious – yeah!” It was a touch ironic because Simon Le Bon was pushing forty even in 1984. That was the first ever video to feature a large back-lit fan spinning around in the background for absolutely no reason. I just liked the look of it and decided to make a point of using as many shots of it as I could. These days it’s become a film cliché but I’m afraid that I started it.

Was it around this time that you decided to move to America?

It wasn’t too long after. Bands in Britain didn’t have the money to do the sort of things I wanted to do. Bros wanted me to do a video for them so I came up with a concept that involved blowing up a Concorde. I wanted to blow up a full-size aeroplane and they kept saying, “We can’t afford it. Can’t you use a model?” It was very clear that they didn’t understand my vision and so they got somebody else to do the video for them. It would have been good though. They would have been singing, “When will I be famous” while Concorde exploded in the background. They would still be around today if they’d used me.

Of course, you got to blow up a plane when you did the video for Michael Jackson.

That was for ‘I can waste my money just the way I want’ which was the most expensive video ever made at the time. That was great fun to do. We had Michael dangling off the Statue of Liberty on a bungee rope. These days it would be done with blue screen but then we had to do it for real. The insurance alone cost a fortune. As you say I, also got to blow up a 747. I tried to get hold of a Concorde but nobody would let us have one. Did you like the bit where Michael morphed into Pinocchio? That was all done with model animation – there were no computers in those days. He was supposed to morph into Mickey Mouse but Disney got cold feet at the last minute.

Tell us about the promo you made for the Madonna single, ‘Gratuitous Nudity’.

Again the moral minority got on their high horse about that one. Just because the video featured scenes of a black Jesus being horse-whipped by transsexual Spanish prostitutes wearing leather basques some people claimed that it was blasphemous. If they thought that was bad they should have seen the stuff I had to cut out! The great thing is that all the negative publicity completely backfired because it made Madonna a huge star. I got an invitation to her recent wedding but unfortunately I was shooting a Mariah Carey video at the time and couldn’t go.

You directed a video for the gangsta rapper Knight-Ro which was accused of inciting violence and hatred towards the police.

If you can point to anything in that video which could be accused of doing that I’d like to hear it.

Well the single is called “Kill all the Pigs”…

It’s a bit of a tenuous connection though isn’t it?

. …and features a scene where Knight-Ro strides down an alleyway with an Uzi 9mm in each hand shooting hundreds of policemen dead whilst screaming, “Kill all the Pigs”. The sequence ends with him blowing up a police station in the heart of the Bronx.

What people don’t understand is that the violence is supposed to be satirical. He’s actually making a comment about the chronic underfunding of the New York Police Department. Unfortunately most people don’t get what he’s talking about. The man’s a genius.

Your latest project is a science fiction feature film, Schismoid III Can you tell us a bit about it?

It’s the third in the incredibly successful ‘Schismoid’ franchise which features a serial killer stalking the corridors of a gigantic space ship trapped light years from Earth. A lot of people think doing a sequel is a come down but I see it as an enormous challenge. I’m trying to take a slightly different approach to the previous films, which were seen by many as simply an excuse to use as many special effects as possible. The special effects will still be there but there will be a more intelligent subtext as well. For example one of the crew Will is English and so he likes to quote from Shakespeare and Dickens at every available opportunity. You see?

There has been some concern that you’re trying to make a two-hour movie with a 180-page script…

It’s not a problem. I’m just going to get the cast to speak very fast.

How is the casting going?

Very well. Normally by the time you get to the third sequel you’re reduced to casting actors who usually only appear in really bad TV movies. But we haven’t had that problem. We’ve got really great actors like Eric Roberts, Jeff Fahey and C. Thomas Howell. We’ve even got David Warner. He won’t do just any old rubbish you know. Have you seen ‘Beastmaster III’? I think it’s among his best work.

Herlfynn Strumboldt, thank you

‘Schismoid III: Revenge of the Schismoid’ should be on general release next year.

AC. Now Brick I think it’s fairly safe to say that when people hear the name, ‘Brick McCracken’ they instantly think of your catchphrase. Does that get on your nerves slightly?
BM. No, certainly not. If it means that people remember me then, in my opinion, that’s good. I suppose that there is an argument that says that you should give a memorable and convincing performance and make people remember you that way – but for me I’ve always found the catchphrase is much easier. Eat lead!! See? “Eat lead” is my catchphrase by the way. I’m not threatening to kill you, although I could do because I got a lotta guns.

AC. Seeing as the catchphrase is such an important part of your persona how did you think it up in the first place?
BM. I had a team of very talented writers who thought it up for me. You know, writers are the backbone of our industry and yet they are so often over-looked. Without them none of us would be in jobs. I think the huge debt that we, as professionals, owe them is one that I personally am happy to acknowledge. It’s not as easy as it looks. Those scripts don’t write themselves. It’s a very frustrating job with comparatively few rewards. They certainly don’t do it for the glamour.

AC. Why were you reading that off a card?
BM. I got it in the mail this morning. It’s part of the Writers Guild settlement. We have to read it out whenever we are asked a question that involves scriptwriters. Personally, I think they are all a bunch of socially inept pencil-dicks. But that’s democracy, I guess. God bless America.

AC. You talked a little about acting before. You have been accused of having a limited acting range. Do comments like that hurt?
BM. Acting isn’t exactly rocket science, you know? I just turn up on set, do my lines and then I’m back in my trailer sipping champagne. I get paid extremely well for doing comparatively little. Meanwhile, you have these greasy-haired critics coming along with their notebooks and their mortgage and their high-blood pressure who say things like, “poor characterisation”, “wooden” and “absence of plot”. Well I say, “Eat lead!”. My movies make people happy. What do they do? They complain about things and get paid for it! What sort of life is that? If I see a bad review, do you know what I do?

AC. Erm, it doesn’t involve guns does it?
BM. No. I just look at my bank statements and that cheers me right up.

AC. You currently have a new film out entitled ‘The Second Sight’. Can you tell us about that?
BM. I play a psychiatrist who has to help this young boy with a dark secret.

AC. It’s a different type of role to that which we are used to seeing you play. Is this a planned change of direction for you?
BM. Not really. Although there does come a point at which you can’t keep on playing the action hero any more. Have you seen Steven Segal’s new movie? He looks like a kind of Ninja Granddaddy. Besides which I liked the script of ‘The Second Sight’. Writers are the backbone of our industry and….

AC. Yes, think we got that. Much has been made of the fact that the film contains a number of big plot twists. Can you tell us any thing about that?
BM. Well there have been a number of recent films that have had a big twist at the end. We thought, how can we top that? So we don’t just have one big twist, we have three HUGE twists. I could tell you what they are – but then I’d have to kill you. Boom! Eat lead!

AC. You’re absolutely sure that the catchphrase never gets on your nerves?
BM. I’m sure. Why? Is it getting on yours?

AC. Certainly not. Eat lead!
BM. Back off man! That’s my catchphrase! You want to be me, huh?

AC. No I…
BM. You want to be the big guy? I paid a lot of writers, a lot of money to come up with that catchphrase. I’m the only guy who gets to say it. I’m kinda superstitious about it. I only ever say it in movies, in interviews or that Pizza Hut commercial I did. Or if a fan asks me too.

AC. So barely ever really….
BM. Exactly. But I never, ever let anybody else say it. Understand?

AC. Yes. Sorry.
BM. You know what I normally do when people steal my catchphrase?

AC. Does it involve guns?
BM. Yes. Yes it does.

AC. You like guns don’t you?
BM. Well I use guns a lot in my movies so I figured that I should know how they worked. I kinda got interested in them from that point onwards. My favourite gun is an AK-47. It’s got real stopping power. You look after it, it’ll look after you. I call mine, “The Beast”.

AC. But you also have a more artistic side don’t you?
BM. I write poetry. I’ve had three volumes of my poems published. “Window to my Soul”, “I Share my Dreams with Angels” and “Maximum Kill Ratio”. The last book is all poems about guns. I’ve written a poem especially for this interview actually.

AC. It’s not about guns is it?
BM. No. It’s about making movies..

Celluloid Whispers
By
Brent McCracken

Film.
You are an enigma.
Bringing together
Art and Science
Like a kind of really
Strong glue.
You show us
Ourselves
As we are.
And as we
want to be.

Film.
You are a contradiction
Bringing together
Light and sound
Like a kind of really
Big bomb
But a bomb
Made out of emotions

Film.
You defy explanation.
A hundred years old
Yet you seem to have
Been around forever
A bit like
Elizabeth Taylor
Or Charlton Heston.

AC. Brick McCracken, thank you.

Brick McCracken’s fourth anthology of poetry, ‘Lens of the Heart’ is published this summer. ‘The Second Sight’ opens next week.